98.

Changes


When at first I saw the light
I started screaming, lost in flight
A lie so strong it made me blind
To truth of life I knew in mind

To know my truth away from lie
And find the source of tears I cry
Of life in lie and hated mask
The ‘normal’, ‘proper’, locked in cast

Break through life in four-inch heels
Dye my hair and paint my nails
Live for me and fuck the rest

My dream, my love, my plastic chest

97.

Gift


A feeling warm and soft inside
A piece of heart that now won’t die
For love of strangers felt so strong
Crashing down on empty tomb
Of loveless life that soon may pass
If this new love will chance and last

96.

Ice-Cold Fire


I keep my heart in icy tomb
To perish fast the lifeless wrong
Of love and trust – that soulless hell
A glittering poison’s silent shell

Who lives and runs in long lost love?
And shares in angels’ gentle code?
Of trusting love till death us part
With fire’s warmth in ice-cold heart

If alone a heart must last
Sustained by dreams and hope of chance
Then will poison run its race
To pierce the depths of lover’s chase

My heart is cold for want of warmth
Suppressed by poison’s dreaming storms
The love I feel is ice indeed
For true love dreams can never be

In dream-world’s dancing deathly hell
I pin my life to wall of shell
Lay trapped in head and icy heart
Alone until the fires start

95.

Hidden Screams in Floating Dreams


In dreams I find the lie I love
To float and fly in silent hope
Life-world hoping, soon to die
And dream-world living’s gentle lie

Yet silent dreams must come to pass
And life’s cruel chest must one day close
The key to life unknown by love
Lies scared and shattered, drowned in blood

94.

Tempus Fugit


Gently tortured, love departs
To fill my life with poison darts
To keep in view the hated truth
That lie of love alone won’t sooth

Enforce a life away from love
And bring me kiss from scarlet dove
In red blood running’s hated cry
The love that now alone won’t lie

93.

In Love I Found a Song to Sing


Lifelong dreaming, bleeding hearts
Softly tortured, love departs
In sight of sound but yet unheard
-Golden-haired my secret lord
With mind controlled by heart so strong
Sing endless longing’s hidden song

92.

Dance With Me




Dance With Me

In sunrise sparks and break of day

Dance With Me

In golden glow and fields of hay

Dance With Me

At sunset’s peak and twilight past

Dance With Me

In starlit love that long will last



Lets Dance

Together

As One

91.

Shot



Flying high on cloud of hope
Icarus soaring, can’t elope
For plans and life not set in stone
Fall burning cruel now left alone

Shot down fast by change of want
Let down soon and now I can’t
Can’t live a life with smile on face
Can’t fight to stay in earthly race

A hopeful future runs away
Stays ahead but one more day
Forever fleeing life’s cold grasp
Shot down plans alone will last

90.

Tomorrow’s Hands




Days gone by are blurred and scarred
By choices false and life so hard
Today was set by future’s past
But tomorrow keeps my future’s chance

89.

Timeless Wondering


Deathlong dreaming, life departs
In broken dreams and sullen hearts
A sinful pleasure, deathly love
Now beckons me to scarlet dove

In lifeline scarred by words of hate
And deathscar lined by turn of fate
I turn to life not full of joy
But partial hope that I might fly

Into years of crumbling pain
Now cast a shadow back again
Through my years of pain inside
Back to time before I cried

88

Me



I'm the one you would not see
Who's hiding in the heart of me
I hide my truth and show the mask
Of ‘James Morrice’ that soon must pass

I'll speak with you, but not before
You say a word, I'll answer sure
Ignore me still, I'll carry on
My silence - love yet still unknown...

I fought for life and all but died
In years now past, I played the bride
Divorced myself and start anew
With hope and dreams that WILL come true

I kissed a boy and found the light
Now fly and flow in queer delight
The search for love has left me lost
Must I alone now turn to dust?

Eighteen years is far too long
But how much more must I go on?
To find my dreams just out of reach
And death's pure kisses soft and sweet

87.

Back So Soon?



I left you here not long ago
Why have you returned?

I turned my back and walked away
To save myself from me.

But you returned to haunt my mind
And cause my tears to flee.

Once again from wrist they stream
To cause my mind to bleed.

I think I know the reasons why
My lovely dreams returned.

My Scarlet Dove, my darling love
I’m here for you, now cry.

Send a tear for every fault
That then will bleed me dry.

Then send some more for every piece
Of heart that now alone must die.

For death departing love she brings
I need her now but once again.

I need to feel her warm embrace
Round shell I call a skin.

86.

Relapse



I did it again my scarlet dove
What I said I’d never do
I lost the hope that made me live
And came back home to you

I thought that I could live a truth
Yet lie right to my heart
I thought that I could be ‘just fine’
Whilst still in love with you

Obsessed with you in waking dreams
Of sweet as death and start again
I cry for you but one more time
Please love just let me die!

85.

Mine



I see you study, working true
In your coat of deepest blue
Startling envy grips my heart
Till I see that mine thou art

Mine for loving, holding strong
Mine for listening, problems long
Mine in every thought and word
Mine the torment, love unheard

Not for fear you’ll hear my plea
Hear it, throw it back at me
But for love unsure in heart
I know not what to do nor start

To let me love and then to hurt
Not one but two in life so short
Should I damn it all to hell
And take the chance and pay the toll

Or do I keep my heart entombed
For fear that I will feel the wound
Of love and hope and blinding light

And long life’s treasure, helpless flight

84.

A Final Request


Lying in wait for soft secret shadow
Hoping that one day my true prince will come
Straight to my arms and heart like an arrow
Darting like thunder from Cupid’s pure bow

Screaming in anguish and hope everlasting
Laughing and crying in death undeparting
Waiting for someone to capture my heart
To take it and keep it and tear it apart

For someone to take me and rip me in two
That is the moment I’m hoping to know
Before I run soft blade through cruel stony wrist
I’m praying for someone to open my chest

83.

Do you know my little white lie?



Did you hear my screams last night?
Did you see my desperate plight?
Why did no-one hear my cry?
To gods and hope that I might die

Did you see but one fake mask?
Of calm and peace. Of light not dark
Did you think I trusted you?
To hold my secrets, pure and true

I lied to you, and once again
Cry scarlet tears like acid rain
For living dark in pure white lie
I scream to darkness, let me die

82.

A little rope
A lot of hurt



Limply hanging, swinging still
The truth floats freely, blood won’t spill
Support has fallen, rope will stretch
With weight of hurt to never rest
A thousand questions long will last
In memory of a broken heart

81.

Spoken Silence


Love and hate are both entwined
In dark despair and deathly mind
For loving wrong, I hate myself
For hoping long, I live in death

Wrong in body, wrong in soul
A heart lies frozen, soft and cold
The warmth he gives by smile so sweet
Is felt pure torture, pain so deep

To depths of heart a smiling spear
Rips soul and life right into tear
From angel’s eye a glistening joke
To fracture soft a desperate hope

For love and trust from one so pure
In kind words’ shock right through my core
My lovely angel… you’ll never know
Just how I feel. I love you so

80.

Knife-Point Perfection


Knife-point perfection still screams out from wrist
Cut up and altered, my skin till it fits
With scalpel and hacksaw to change all my bones
And scalpel and cottonthread to stretch my skin home

Perfection’s not perfect, and still I despair
With life inconsistent, with no-one who cares
So alter my wrists, let blood flow to earth
Knife-point perfection. My god how it hurts.

79.

Midnight


I wish, I wish upon a star
In dreamy hope for love afar
To send down Cupid’s arrow strong
And end the torture – love unknown

With flaming spear to light my heart
And know with him I’ll never part
Those pure blue eyes shan’t leave mine own
Nor angel’s halo left alone

Staring deep on starry night
Into chasm and twinkling lights
I hope my heart is strong enough

To work this magic to grant me love