156.

Forever

I know I’ll never be the One

I know I’ll never have His heart

To love and to hold and to keep as my own

And forever love through lifelong storm

I know I’ll never hold Her close

And keep Her safe through fears unknown

To keep and to hold and to love Her forever

Heal Her heart and wipe away the tear

In silent dream my heart will lie

With a thousand scars for every tear

Thrown blooded red at chances passed

In screaming dark until the last

155.

So

So close I can almost touch him

So close I can almost feel his breath

So far I cannot count the distance

So far I’ll never close the gap

So soft a smile it breaks my heart

So sweet a laugh I cannot bear

So dead inside I’ll never live

So forever stay in silence kiss

154.

Skype

There’s a camera, a speaker, a pad for all my words

A picture, a voice and a smile to melt my heart

A sparkling conversation that penetrates my soul

To spring from deep my darkest fears and save me from my cold

153.

Silence

Screaming dark devoid of life

That thunders down from stars above

Those helpless dreams of shattered gold

Lie battered, bruised in icy folds

152.

Turn

I do not know the reasons why

Such little things can make me cry

Why glimpse of joy and happy days

Still keep me here alive with fears

Why strangers’ glance or tone of voice

Will make me block off one more choice

And dreamers’ hope for warm embrace

Dies a death and ends its race

151.

Envy

I know I’m cruel and cold inside
To silent groom I’ll play the bride
And live a death of frozen warmth
Devoid of open caring arms

I look outside at gleaming world
At faces known like stranger’s hand
In joys and hells they live their dreams
My joys lay dead in hell’s cold seams

Within the cage I’m locked inside
I scream at hell’s unearthly bride
To stop the lust for other’s lives
And live in peace in ruined prize

150.

Dreamer’s Debt


My dreams have ended – life is here
I fall down soft to shed a tear
With death-like knock upon the door
My hell breaks through with molten claw

The dancing shards of sunlight spears
That rip my soul to free my fears
To let them free to rule my mind
And leave my heart so far behind

In casket cold and starved of love
In shrivelled heart still hides the dove
Away from stars and warm embrace
She waits for chance to join the race

One thousand chances passed her by
She saw them flash like lighteninged sky
But still the cruel chains keep her close
Encircle her with blackened rose

My dreams she made her gentle rest
To live and love from safety’s nest
Allowed to laugh and run and cry
She lived and loved with childlike joy

But dreams, like life, must always end
And heartfelt wounds she now must tend
For whilst she lived in sunset sky
One thousand chances passed her by

Not seen nor heard but always there
Now every chance will bring a tear
In these she’ll drown for life’s regret
Until she’s freed from lifelong debt

149.

Red-Eyed Monster



Silent screams inside my head
The voice which says I should be dead
With acid words and gentle spears
The darkness plays on all my fears
To twist my mind to cruel intent
The anger screams with hate unspent

148.

Living


Silent screams and timid steps
Shown only in the snow’s cold breath
That lead away from life so frail
Away from truth’s embittered jail

A cage of air as warm as ice
Wrapped around like deathly vice
To squeeze all joy from life around
And make me scream in silence’s sound

147.

-“No”-



Stop the dream and hide the pain
And face the truth with tears like rain
This life’s unfair and harsh as day
Kills hope and laughs with manic joy

Ripped from comfort’s tender arms
To stand on path of torture’s barbs
Release the tears to set you free
And live and die again unseen

146.

Silent Whispers




Scream for silence, whispers cry
To fading day and blood-red sky
In nightmare’s dreaming shadows lay
In wait for victims – those who stray

Alone in life they stumble blind
Let whispers enter troubled mind
Slip their head down hatred’s seam
And turn their thoughts to endless dream

145.

Prizewinners


Scarlet tears left undefined
In shattered heart and broken mind
From gentle torture’s deathly chase
I spill the tears to end this race

I reach for prize of death inviting
The glistening cup of tears that shining
Release the charm to end this day
Looks up and wipes my tears away

144.

To Fail in Life



I failed to fly again last night
I turned my head, got lost in fright
Delayed the dream to future’s day
And stood and spoke in present’s play

The crashing ground that hit me fast
That rushed and left me ripped apart
At seams of wrist with scars to show
The little lines where blood did flow

Alone in chance and hopeless words
Alive in cold and silent chords
One step behind the dreams I chase
I reach for end of desperate race

143.

Lost Little Lamb


I went last night to joyful church
I sat on chair and I heard the songs
I heard the pastor say his piece
I listened hard and lost my peace

Denial safe and secure in lie
Was swept away by songs of praise
Of belief’s “amen” and fervent prayer
To leave me alone, so stark and bare

Without my skin to hide behind
I stood apart, devoid of love
Scared and lost from lack of faith
I turned away and hid my face

142.

The Mercy Murder



My kitty caught a little mouse
She found it in the yard
Beneath a pile of wood for fires
She found it working hard
To find the food to feed its kin
It scavenged far and wide
But quickly came the kitty’s paws
And took it home with pride

A present for my family
For feeding me so well
I know you’ll love and cherish it
Like all the rest I found
The ones you took away and hid
In secret place so far
The treasure trove of loving gifts
These presents from your cat

In truth, my love, we don’t like mice
They give us quite a fright
But when we see them on the floor
We like to be quite nice
We pick them up inside a glass
And take them far away
Back outside to mouse’s homes
To woodpile, grass and sky

But this one time the mouse, it ran
It ran out from our grasp
It hid under a door and so
Went crunch when we went out
Poor little mouse, oh what a sight
Your little back is broke
What do we do, can we do right
Kill or leave to die?

We went outside, this mouse and I
To woodpile, hand in paw
I got a log, and dropped it hard
To save poor mouse from pain
In one quick blow one life expired
In scattered spread of brains
And then with care was laid in bush
To join in nature’s dance

Did I do right to kill this mouse
To save it from the pain
Would I have still have taken life
If I had let it go
To die alone in pain and fear
On slow and rainy night
My little cat, I love you so
But no more presents, please, just no.

141.

Lonely Lover



Despite the fears that keep me near
I dream of love away from tear
Of friendly touch and warm embrace
That feels so cold compared to chase
Of flying free away from love
The danger falls from sky above

One tender moment I lay in arms
So strong and sweet with scent of calm
I tried so hard to relax in love
And feel the dream from heavens above
But tight control and rooted fears
They rip me fast from comfort’s spears

Flying sideways, sleep in death
Alive in torment’s newborn breath
Relax in life’s sweet gleeful sin
So dark the soul that lies within
The heart so bright it blinded day
And made life look the other way

140.

Two Lives in Tandem Die



I live a lie to all and I
Who sees the face, the clothes and hair
The image – perfect, the truth – a lie

I kiss a boy and so I’m gay
I sleep with boy and so I’m queer
The lie I live in day on day

The truth inside is seen as lie
To those who ‘know’ or hide their eyes
From putrid tales in tears I cry

I am not a happy boy
Not straight as circle, but nor as line
I live in shell like horse of Troy

Behind the mask of perfect show
I dream of life I live for me
True comfort’s palace I want to know

Body of boy but heart of girl
Against the norm in every way
The oyster robbed of shining pearl

Until my death and sweet rebirth
I live two lives of quiet tears
Falling soft on frozen earth

139.

D.C. al Coda


3211624
A broken heart stares up from floor
5833921
In whispered hint of what’s to come
9966332
The numbers sing for me and you
8089223
A code of life that flies so free
5466938
My life and love now follow straight
1244626
In simply ordered breath of kiss
6266547
Turn with smile to sweet life’s heaven

138.

In Life’s Sweet Prison



Dying inside, lets scream alone
Let lovless torture’s silent drone
Cast silver shadow, deep inside
Dark cave of night with fires ablaze

A dream so close it touches skin
To send the fire like ice within
One troubled heart in cage of lies
So tight around the tears it cries

A ray of light still breaks through day
To take the fears from far away
To banish them to depths of mind
Release the joy that heart can’t find