137.

Indecision

Do I?
Don’t I?
-Little lie


Shall I?
Shan’t I?
-Sweet tear cry


May I?
Mayn’t I?
-Scream the truth


Can I?
Can’t I?
-Live with death


Will I?
Won’t I?
-Find my love


Do I?
Shall I?
May I?
Can I?
Will I?


Live?


Free to be me

136.

Punishment


Death deformed in light of day
In crumpled soul abandoned lay
On ground’s cold skin as soft as steel
That cuts so deep with blood to heal

Red soul runs so far away
Predator turns at once to prey
The cause of pain now feels the hurt
Of stabbing words that cut to heart

The final act to end the pain
Of ex-friend’s words like acid rain
Escape in blood to freedom get
And force his mind to life’s regret

135.

Smothered Blanket


I scream aloud to silent air
That wraps around a soul so bare
Left drowned in dreams of cheerful day
And hidden deep in lies I say

Whispered tears for life unloved
That gently tortures freedom’s dove
Alive in breath’s last dying cry
A heart’s escape with blooded sigh

134.

BlindSight Searching



Blank eyes search for truth in soul
A truth left marred by lies of old
Perfection’s mask devoid of warmth
Guide the eye in gentle glance
To pale white love left lined on wrist
That marks the path of death’s sweet kiss
A marble heart entombed in flesh
Alone in search for peace at rest

133.

Whispered Scream in NightDay Silence



Silence screaming, standing slow
In light of day with shadowed glow
To cast upon a heart unloved
That daily turns to scarlet dove

Alive in dreams of death depart
Embrace the blooded screaming heart
Of knife and lover’s cry to flee
Still standing small alive in me

132.

To Die at Birth is Such a Joy


I thought I knew my lonely heart
-It lived with me since womb depart
But now it comes with swift surprise
Another side from which to hide

Deadened soul and mind entwine
To loveless heart in search of sign
To love and lover’s dying breath
Of which may I not find till death

131.

Frozen Shadow



Silent shadow sweet depart
From broken mind and sullen heart
Release the screams left loveless lost
Beneath the clouds of frozen dust

One hundred winters long to stay
In chest of ice and soul of clay
That, moulded rough by others’ hands,
Feels foreign, lost, and coarse as sand

Alive with sadness, deep despair
Floats shadowlike in silent air
To smother kind the desperate plea
And make me drown in blood-red sea

130.

Scream

Silent drown in deep despair
Cast a net to catch the tear
Release the doubt held tight within
Each silent heart with song to sing
Alive in deathly hope unleashed
Mangled soul with love to seek

129.

Protection



I told a little lie last night
The reasons why? I’m scared to fight
My little lie caused no-one harm
So why am I so far from calm?
Shall I be held by ‘must’ and ‘should’
Or float and fly in ‘want’ and ‘could’?
Why must I lie to save my soul
When all I want is love to hold?
To keep me safe against the storm
I built a fort devoid of warm
With walls of cold and bricks of lies
I save my heart from tears I cried

128.

Prognosis



I hear the screams inside my soul
The crying hurt felt so deathly cold
In unseen illness and fractured love
A bitter sign sill hides its touch
Nothing’s broken but everything hurts
This is the sign of a broken heart

127.

Change d’Univers


“Danger! Danger!” senses cry
To heart of cold and bloodied sky
“Release the fears still held within
And maybe then your soul can sing”

I know the truth in words I hear
And try to live away from fear
I try to leave my dreams for dead
But still they rear their ugly head

“You lived your life in glances scared
With dreams and wishes left unheard
When will you set your dreams to rest
And unlock the gates to heart’s cold chest?”

My life is not a simple game
With every chance I wait for shame
Expect the worst and fear the best
And lock my heart in dreamer’s chest

126.

Prideful Pain


Screams of silence, locked inside
A troubled heart so scarred by pride
The fear to ask for help in life
That turned my mind to bleeding knife

In silent screams and bone-dry tears
I try to hide from deepest fears
The ones I know I can’t escape
-From dreams of life I’ll surely wake

If the chance came once again
To end this life of silent pain
Would I then turn to silken steel?
And live in dreams for ever real

125.

Phoenix Tears



Silent tears in clouded rain
Fall from eyes of desperate pain
To heal the longing felt inside
The wish to simply turn and hide
From life and truth and endless hope
To turn and kiss the lifeline rope
That leads to smiles and endless dreams
And heals the longing felt in screams

124.

What Then?


When I die, then will I cry?
For lack of love or friendship’s dove

Will I sing in joyous ring?
At last I’ve found death’s loving shroud

Will others dare to shed a tear?
Pretend they care, or point and stare

At faggot freak with tears to weep
For hatred felt round neck with belt

123.

What You See is not What You Get



Fuck life I say to shapeless day
In dawn despair and silent air
A graveyard town still free from frown
Of beauty’s smile in full fake style

A loveless cry in blood-red sky
Still shining cold in death’s sweet gold
The price to pay for every day
I give the smile and live the style

122.

pi, i and I




The order of numbers, so firm yet so free
Gazing from textbook, no words to be seen
One simple equation with heart so complex
That governs the question with problems to fix

I wonder at beauty of magical math
As pure and as perfect as first angel’s breath
Floating like stardust from heavens above
Warming our cold earth like freedom’s sweet dove

121.

-_-


Impatient hope for timeless dream
That steals the joy from living’s scream
To drag me down to depths of mind
And see the life I’ll never find

Life lives in dreams and golden heart
And struggles through truth’s deathly chart
Of life’s recordings, dreams so sweet
And afterlife I’ll never meet

120.

Alone in Life I Cry


Lonely soul in soft despair
Cry silken tear to candied air
Alive with friendship’s laugh so close
Behind a wall of private jokes

Defence so strong it breaks my heart
To force a smile from those who can’t
Can’t see the pain that lives within
Beneath the calm and joyful skin

A lie in life until my death
That I’m just fine with lonely breath
That I can cope as 'friends' walk by
A laugh and joke hides tears I cry

119.

Life in Dreams of Dreams of Life



A dream of life just out of reach
In night-time sight the love I seek
To live in truth and joyful smile
Without the lies so sick and vile

In secret sight of golden land
And caring clasp of lover’s hand
I beg for dreams to turn to truth
To let me run with love to sooth

I hate this life in which I lie
And hide my face from tears I cry
For any chance of new-born life
I’ll pay the fee, just name your price

118.

Dreamworld Dying



Hidden dreams and smothered cries
In secret life my pretty lies
That hold my fears as close as skin
Keep safe the longing held within

In body wrong and mind so scared
I fly in dreams that lay unheard
For life’s cruel rules destroy my heart
And make me long for what I can’t

Can’t see my dreams in waking day
Nor live with smile or happy cry
Till dreams to life may come to pass
I’m trapped in hell of life’s cruel dance