87.

Back So Soon?



I left you here not long ago
Why have you returned?

I turned my back and walked away
To save myself from me.

But you returned to haunt my mind
And cause my tears to flee.

Once again from wrist they stream
To cause my mind to bleed.

I think I know the reasons why
My lovely dreams returned.

My Scarlet Dove, my darling love
I’m here for you, now cry.

Send a tear for every fault
That then will bleed me dry.

Then send some more for every piece
Of heart that now alone must die.

For death departing love she brings
I need her now but once again.

I need to feel her warm embrace
Round shell I call a skin.

86.

Relapse



I did it again my scarlet dove
What I said I’d never do
I lost the hope that made me live
And came back home to you

I thought that I could live a truth
Yet lie right to my heart
I thought that I could be ‘just fine’
Whilst still in love with you

Obsessed with you in waking dreams
Of sweet as death and start again
I cry for you but one more time
Please love just let me die!

85.

Mine



I see you study, working true
In your coat of deepest blue
Startling envy grips my heart
Till I see that mine thou art

Mine for loving, holding strong
Mine for listening, problems long
Mine in every thought and word
Mine the torment, love unheard

Not for fear you’ll hear my plea
Hear it, throw it back at me
But for love unsure in heart
I know not what to do nor start

To let me love and then to hurt
Not one but two in life so short
Should I damn it all to hell
And take the chance and pay the toll

Or do I keep my heart entombed
For fear that I will feel the wound
Of love and hope and blinding light

And long life’s treasure, helpless flight

84.

A Final Request


Lying in wait for soft secret shadow
Hoping that one day my true prince will come
Straight to my arms and heart like an arrow
Darting like thunder from Cupid’s pure bow

Screaming in anguish and hope everlasting
Laughing and crying in death undeparting
Waiting for someone to capture my heart
To take it and keep it and tear it apart

For someone to take me and rip me in two
That is the moment I’m hoping to know
Before I run soft blade through cruel stony wrist
I’m praying for someone to open my chest

83.

Do you know my little white lie?



Did you hear my screams last night?
Did you see my desperate plight?
Why did no-one hear my cry?
To gods and hope that I might die

Did you see but one fake mask?
Of calm and peace. Of light not dark
Did you think I trusted you?
To hold my secrets, pure and true

I lied to you, and once again
Cry scarlet tears like acid rain
For living dark in pure white lie
I scream to darkness, let me die

82.

A little rope
A lot of hurt



Limply hanging, swinging still
The truth floats freely, blood won’t spill
Support has fallen, rope will stretch
With weight of hurt to never rest
A thousand questions long will last
In memory of a broken heart

81.

Spoken Silence


Love and hate are both entwined
In dark despair and deathly mind
For loving wrong, I hate myself
For hoping long, I live in death

Wrong in body, wrong in soul
A heart lies frozen, soft and cold
The warmth he gives by smile so sweet
Is felt pure torture, pain so deep

To depths of heart a smiling spear
Rips soul and life right into tear
From angel’s eye a glistening joke
To fracture soft a desperate hope

For love and trust from one so pure
In kind words’ shock right through my core
My lovely angel… you’ll never know
Just how I feel. I love you so

80.

Knife-Point Perfection


Knife-point perfection still screams out from wrist
Cut up and altered, my skin till it fits
With scalpel and hacksaw to change all my bones
And scalpel and cottonthread to stretch my skin home

Perfection’s not perfect, and still I despair
With life inconsistent, with no-one who cares
So alter my wrists, let blood flow to earth
Knife-point perfection. My god how it hurts.

79.

Midnight


I wish, I wish upon a star
In dreamy hope for love afar
To send down Cupid’s arrow strong
And end the torture – love unknown

With flaming spear to light my heart
And know with him I’ll never part
Those pure blue eyes shan’t leave mine own
Nor angel’s halo left alone

Staring deep on starry night
Into chasm and twinkling lights
I hope my heart is strong enough

To work this magic to grant me love

78.

Closets are for Clothes


My closet was getting crowded.

Arguments started.

They said "it's you or me - one of us goes".

I went.

Closets are for Clothes

77.

Parted Love


Gentle screaming, pregnant pause
Whilst life is ripped from heart so coarse
By silver steel’s soft quiet hiss
On parts unknown by lover’s kiss

A quiet parting, push aside
The knotted skin that holds so tight
Still beating heart, one soulful chest
Now keeps the secret, love at rest

76.

Bleeding Stream


A red knife dying, bleeding dry
In thousand pardons, water’s cry
Whilst washing life away from death
She screams and dyes the water’s breath
To life force colour, gentle dream
A bleeding river, endless stream

75.

Open-Eyed Dreaming


In fuming silence, death departs
From shattered dreams and broken hearts
From nightmares shown soft red on wrist
And gentle dreaming – love’s first kiss

Dreams as clear as clouds above
With life and love like freedom’s dove
Who soars in every earthly hope
And helps the helpless marching troupe

Who plunge through life in blindness sure
With dreams as guides – no less, no more
Screaming trust in every step,
They fall from cliff top – hope at rest

74.

A Second Chance


Give me the chance to live again
Show me the door and I’ll walk unchained
To death and birth and new life’s chance
Once again to join the dance

I’m dancing now but blind and scared
With eyelids shut and hope impaired
I missed the beat and now I trip
On dreams – the floor on which I slip

To lay here still, whilst all around
Fly angles dancing, life unharmed
A nightmare calling, night and day
This life’s a waste – just work, no play

No time for freedom, dreams or hope
No time for loving – this heart can’t cope
No angels pause to stop the dance
To help me up – give second chance

Give life and love back to my heart
Help me see what now I can’t:
An angel’s mercy, soft and sweet
An afterlife I now must seek

73.

Pretences


Stand up slow on floodlit stage
The stage of life with silent cage
To trap in view my every act
Examine close my helpless hurt
So covered tight by lies and smile
Silence screaming all the while
In my heart so black and burnt
By torches point at soul unspent
The final act – the curtain’s close
Stained blood-red to match my clothes

72.

Silent Cost


Lost in darkness, death at rest
In chances sold for pure heart’s chest
With key of gold to guard the soul
Of knowledge, peace and silent howl
The song to sing when all is lost
When all you have is endless cost
Of living hopeful, silent tears
And running blind from midnight fears

71.

Angel Faces


Beautiful faces all around
Covering me like deathly shroud
To blind my eyes from heart unloved
And force my mind to scarlet dove

With broken beauty pieces fall
A thousand mirrors gaze from floor
Screaming truthful – hide your face
Hide the ugly love won’t chase

Broken mirror on the floor
Who will love this face so dour?
When all around lie angels’ masks
A maddening beauty that long will last

70.

A Second Chance at Life so Cruel?


Why do I live in deathly pain?
And scream my silence to pouring rain?
Of futile dreams of better life
To proving oft that I can’t cope
With life, her cruelty bleeding swift
My blood-the glue to bind the rift
‘Tween life and death’s sweet fragile arms
Who calls so gentle, cool and calm
Who beckons me to join the few
Who took the chance of life anew

69.

To See the Sorrow

Why do they bleed, those stars so bright?
Why do they cry so soft through night?
To pierce the earth with silver spears
Of heaven’s crying, those pure God tears

For failing long to save the world
For seeing clear the hurting churned
By priest and pastor claiming still
That God is good and just in all

The same breath kills both hopes and dreams
Of two boys’ loving, split down seams
To part the ‘truth’ –that God loves straights
To kill the truth – that love is just

In his heaven, dying slow
God looks down on earth below
Aghast he sees the hatred loud
The rift that nought but he can hide

68.

Meaning


To sing out loud on starlight night
To sing a song of desperate plight
Of raging torment, standing strong
Of desperate bleeding, running long
Who lives and dies in sweet refrain
Who whispers love in stabbing pain
To save from torture love enchained
To bring to living death unchanged

67.

Repetition Repackaged


You say again those boring words
Just changed by how they sound
The same cold meaning stabbing close
To heart and putrid mind

I hear again your cruel intent
To drag me down and bleed me dry
With aged words but still unspent
The hate that lies to make me cry

Your sound you changed but still remains
The meaning-swift and stark behind
Those words repeated, time again
Repackaged for a frightened mind

66.

A Lifeline Reason


A startling truth I’ve now to see
This one for years I’ve longed to flee
Through knife and blood I search for death
Unknown by truth and lies beneath

My heart, she knows the reason why
I ran to knife, but could not cry
For life’s pure torture blinding swift
The knowledge – truth – and pure death’s kiss

Who screams for loving, short and dear
Hid by torture, life unclear
The wondrous truth I couldn’t see
-It’s Life, not Death that’s scaring me

65.

Broken Heart Dreams


Those kisses are mine
I dream in my heart
Your loving’s for me
And not for that tart
She loves you, you love her
It’s not all that wrong
I love you – pause - nothing
My feelings so strong…
They rattle like mothballs
In great empty house
Both Doubtfulls and Hopefulls
Who die with a kiss
On her lips so tender
To shatter with screams
And bring me to splendour

Of Broken Heart Dreams

64.

Just One More Notch In My Breaking Heart

You lie there together
Unknowing, I feel
The dreams that I’m living
The nightmare so real

Of sitting here watching
Not daring to breathe
Your kisses she felt soft
Match tears now unsheathed

For loving in envy
Sweet bitter in time
And hatred so jealous
Why’s love so unkind?

Those kisses are mine
But now it is she
Receiving your loving

Now how my heart bleeds

63.

Anniversary


Today’s the day I should be dead
The day I’ve looked upon with dread
That shows my failing crystal clear
And causes me to throw more tears
Shining crimson beauty fell
But now blue crystal’s shining spell
These tortured lines right down my cheek
Spare peaceful gateway running sweet
Who stopped by tissue, love unsure
Ran crying back to heart impure
To make me live another year
Alone with just a blue white tear

62.

Dare?


If only you knew, my flippant friend
If only you knew the truth
Would you still make your moment ‘jokes’
Or would you think then say?
The truth you see is hidden close
I guard it tight and still
To keep a smile when all you say
Is dare me – see it through
Life is finite, weak and thin
She’ll die without a fuss
With simple stroke of soft as steel
She’ll run to endless dreaming
To dreams I have and want to keep
Two scars I think is fair
One for knowing that you did wrong
And one cos you don’t care

61.

Abandoned



My scarlet dove is dying fast
She’s rotting here right where she cries
In heart and breath her blood it pours
To stain the earth and moon and skies
With running red and tearless blue
Alone she flies to life anew
From faceless torments, pure and cruel
Life’s piercing truths their evil tool
My darling dove who loves me so
I cry to you – no please don’t go!
Don’t leave me here to scream alone
And face the horror – life unknown
Who whispers soft in words of hate
Who leave me here in such a state

60.

Truth’s a Killer


Secret silence standing strong
Deep beneath one loving long
To scar the earth and bleed the sky
Now hark and hear a hated cry
Of truth’s foul bloodied veil to see
Nor good nor life so dead in me

59.

Piensa


Isn’t it strange
How one little look
And one short exchange
Can leave me entombed

Isn’t it odd
How futile it seems
To live without meaning
In lovely live dreams

Strange in heart dreaming
And odd in life live
Run without meaning
To pure scarlet dove

58.

Broken Glass


Final hope like shattered glass
Lies frozen bold in purple shards
That scream and shout to blind the mind
And hide the dreaming far behind

A thousand pieces, bold entombed
Fly swift and silent, cry alone
With purple shards to pierce the gold
Of pure in heart and love unsold

In helpless life and sudden death
Immortal fears of lack of faith
In me for all who have to see
The broken shards alive in me

57.

A Fire Outside



Love lies like winter, so bitter and cold
Lost frozen in time, one heart unsold
Captured and held tight in icy embrace
Forlorn and longing and still without faith
Knowing that sometime a warm flame will come
To shatter and melt love held icy entombed
Free her for loving with love to release
Flaming heart warming…now love is at peace

56.

Dream Time


With opened eyes I blindly fall
Straight to depths of hope so cruel
To wish upon those stars so bright
Shining black on pure white night

With half-closed eyes I stumble, trip
On anchor ropes to tie me quick
To keep to me a lifeline feared
That holds me back – regrets so near

With tight-closed eyes I dream anew
Those sacred dreams of me and you
To haul me back from white abyss
And steal my loving soft with kiss

55.

Answer


He’s everything I want and need
He’s all I admire and love
He’s the one I cannot see
The one stood hidden in front of me

54.

Now


I did it! I did it! My bleeding heart!
-What you said I couldn’t do
I did it! I did it! My scarlet dove!
-The challenges you set, I saw them through
Conquered hope and set it free
To roam and dream alone for me